Life
is Good Even with Schizophrenia
By
Victoria
The
Gift of Lucidity and the Lucidity of Giving
Being
adopted is part of my story, as is teenage drug addiction, marrying
at 22, and raising three beautiful children. At 38, I received the
diagnosis of Schizophrenia. Each of these events have made me who I
am today, and I am pretty pleased with who that is.
Problems
are just unresolved situations whose solutions await seekers willing
to work through them. Through all the difficulties in my life I have
been able to overcome each one, at times simultaneously, and other
times after many attempts. I find that which works for me in dealing
with schizophrenia is no exception.
When I had my first
psychotic break, I actually enjoyed it very much. I believed I was
very special and that God was giving me messages to give to other
people to help save the world. I will never forget how I came to
believe very quickly that at last my life had meaning and that I was
the most special person to ever live. With this new idea came a huge
burden, though, and slowly I deteriorated until I was unable to
function as a wife and mother.
It
was then that I sought help. I diagnosed myself before being
diagnosed by a team of doctors from UCLA. I had all the classic
symptoms, though I did not fit the normal age. Thus began my life on
anti-psychotics, and how my life began to return to normal. Today, I
can honestly say that I do not believe I am the most special person
in the world, although I often have to think it through and talk
myself out of it, because there is the lingering idea that just
maybe….
My
psychiatrist believes I do have a very rare form of schizophrenia, in
that I am the best judge of my mental status. I know when I begin to
become delusional again, and can recognize quickly when a medication
is working or not. Many people with schizophrenia do not have this
ability. I am glad of this, for it has helped me to achieve many
things in my recovery.
My
greatest accomplishment is having earned a Master’s degree in
psychology in 2012. I very much enjoy my current work in the mental
health field with children and families who suffer from mental
disorders. In addition, I have raised my three children to be
responsible members of society, and have myself been married for 22
years.
Right
now, I am having the best time of my life. I love my career, my kids
are all doing really well, I have friends and family I enjoy, and I
have some hobbies which help me to enjoy life at this new pace.
Before being diagnosed with schizophrenia (although later after a
severe bout with depression, was fine-tuned to the diagnosis
schizoaffective disorder), I had many relational problems and had no
motivation to finish things I started.
But
now I enjoy many relationships and finish what I start. I recently
wrote a book for people who suffer from this disorder and their loved
ones. I also have a blog I keep up to date charting my ups and downs
and the changes I still go though. My hope is to reach as many people
as possible to help them in their recovery from this devastating
disorder, which, if left untreated, causes much suffering.
I
work very hard to make sure I take care of myself to continue to
recover. I take my medication every night, try to exercise, get
enough sleep and eat right for the most part. I go to church every
week, have a spiritual adviser, pray every day and read uplifting
things. I am constantly looking for ways to better myself through
introspection and try to give back to my community.
I
am not looking for a Nobel Peace Prize or great sainthood like when I
was delusional. I am looking to make the most of my life and to
improve life for those around me. Yes, life is good and does not have
to be stressful. In fact, I hate discord and drama. I still get
anxious at times, but deal with it by limiting contact with negative
people and surrounding myself with upbeat and positive folk.
What
I really wish to express through this essay is that life does not
have to end when one gets a debilitating diagnosis. I can be the
positive change I wish to see in the world. One way I can do this is
by continuing to write and help others at my work. One day at a time,
I can live a life worth living, a life that is remarkable because it
is unremarkable. No great honors or awards, just a life that makes
sense to me, one that I am proud of. I am happy to be me today,
diagnosis and all.
To
read more about my recovery from Schizophrenia check out my blog:
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