The Healing Art of The Memoir
By Ayesha
Writing My Personal Story Has Been a Cleansing Experience
I want to write about how cleansing it was for me to write a 3,000-3,500-word personal narrative. This memoir is the beginning of what I hope will become a book-length personal narrative. I like to think of the benefits that I get from writing personal narrative as “narrative therapy.”
When I write about my experiences as an African American woman living with schizophrenia, I am writing my story which began twenty years ago. I have made progress simply by sharing my story with others. As I read the first two pages of my narrative with students and alumni at Memoirfest—a memoir-reading party that Dr. Giunta, the memoir class professor, holds every May and December at her house in Teaneck, New Jersey—I was being bolder than I have ever been before.
I have written personal essays and narratives that I have shared in safe spaces, but never as part of a college-level workshop or at a gathering of students as I did at Memoirfest. I felt so good after sharing the first two pages of my memoir with everyone and getting their positive feedback. One student told me she really enjoyed my piece, which I shared with her just before she left at the end of the night. She was doing her honors thesis and, although I cannot remember her name, her comment meant a lot to me.
The first class that I shared my life experience as an African American woman with schizophrenia was English Composition II while doing research in the Guarni library for our final research paper; Dr. Alina Gharabegian was my instructor.
I had been encouraged by Dr. Hamburger to take ECI and ECII at the university level. I took the Advanced Creative Writing Workshop with him and did not do well, barely passing the course. Dr. Hamburger encouraged me to repeat ECI and ECII, which I did to improve my writing skills.
Dr. Gharabegian had assigned the class a five- to seven-page research paper on the broad topic of love. We could approach the assignment in any way we liked. In her comments on my proposal, Dr. Gharabegian suggested that I write about schizophrenia and love. I felt like someone was opening a door for me. I was surprised by her suggestion, but also thrilled. I had not yet written a paper about my personal experiences with schizophrenia during my time at New Jersey City University.
I was happy to be taking Memoir Workshop with Dr. Giunta, who taught me to avoid writing my story as a chronology or autobiography. When I nailed voice, it was like church bells were ringing at that moment, and I felt so accomplished, mature and independent. I am so glad I took Memoir Workshop and then Advanced Memoir Workshop during the spring of 2015. I graduated from NJCU in August 2015 with a BA in Creative Writing.
I am fond of NJCU because of my experience in Dr. Giunta’s class. She was an amazing, supportive, caring and sweet person as well as a great teacher. I feel such an overwhelming debt of gratitude to her. I never thought I would have such an experience with a professor or as part of a class. It had such an amazing impact on me and on my life.
Now I am back at NJCU majoring in Early Childhood Education. I feel more a part of the university's community now than when I began in the fall of 2007.
The Aftermath of a Major Psychiatric Episode
By Kurt Sass
Coping Strategies for Dealing with Relapse Fears
Back in 1998, I began a two year, long-suffering battle with major depression, which included, among other things, daily suicidal thoughts, self-abuse (cutting myself up to 70 times a day), numerous hospitalizations, 22 ECT or “shock” treatments and a period of 11 months in which I could not leave my bed on my own—not even to take a shower or go to a doctor's appointment.
Fortunately, I have not had to endure anything even remotely close to that in the 16 years since that two-year ordeal ended in the year 2000.
One might think that it would be easy to be grateful that the “past” is behind me and that it is easy to go on. However, I think most people who have gone through the trauma of a major psychiatric episode would tell you otherwise.
While I am extremely appreciative and grateful everyday that I have not returned to that horrible state, the fear of it recurring is always there. My belief is that most people who have endured a major psychiatric episode, especially a long-term episode, suffer from a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result. I still get flashbacks of when I cut myself and when I was hospitalized for attempting suicide. And when those flashbacks occur, the fear of the episode recurring also resurfaces.
This cycle occurs most often when my body is in a weakened state. A few years ago, I was confined to a bed for a number of days when I had a virus with a high fever. With my physical body feeling so weak, my thoughts began to shift. I started thinking that this was the beginning of a new depression and that I would not be able to get out of bed, even after the fever lifts. Another time this occurred was when I started a vigorous exercise routine and ran eight miles a day, without building up to that level. I wore out my body, and was almost too weak to fight my thoughts of oncoming depression.
I noticed that whenever I feel either tired or sad, I immediately start to panic and wonder if this is possibly the beginning of a major psychiatric breakdown.
The good news is that I have discovered many tools to successfully cope. The first is cognitive thinking. Whenever I start to feel any inkling or thought at all that I may be going into a deep depression, I sit back and analyze the situation. I ask myself questions: Are you physically sick at the moment? Are you tired because you didn't get enough sleep? Are you sad because of something that happened at work or with family? The answer to one of these questions is almost always yes, and that usually explains it. Meditation and yoga are two great ways to help get into a nice, relaxed state before asking yourself these questions.
Unfortunately, however, I sometimes go through unexplained periods of complete panic and fear which can last anywhere from a few hours up to seven to eight days. There seems to be no apparent trigger. When this happens, I must be continually cognizant that this is not going to end up being a two-year depression and that eventually it will fade away. It always does.
Finding the right therapist, one you can trust, is an important piece of the puzzle, as well as finding close friends whom you are able to confide in.
If you have suffered through a major psychiatric breakdown, and you are often afraid that it may recur, you are not alone. If you think you see any signs of a possible recurrence, please take a moment to step back and analyze them first.
Animal Companions Help Us to Heal
By Dan Frey, Editor-in-Chief, City Voices
RIP Parker Henry Brooks Frey
Animal companions are a beautiful part of life. They bring joy, love, and unending affection to people with or without psychiatric disabilities. They help to heal us. We are dearly missing Parker Henry Brooks, our animal companion of ten years. Those were the best ten years of our life. Rest in peace Parker. We will strive to live as you have lived—in the moment, with enduring optimism and boundless love.
Pets can play an important role in your recovery. We have all heard of service animals, but have you heard of “emotional support animals?” These are just what the name implies and studies have proven that pets help us to heal from trauma and increase our life expectancy and quality of life.
For 12 years, Community Access, Inc. has been running a “Pet Access” program that helps their clients acquire and maintain their furry little companions. For information on Pet Access or how you can advocate for having pets in your program, you can contact City Voices via CityVoices1995@gmail.com. Pets should be an option for anyone who has survived trauma, especially people with a psychiatric history.
