My Mystic Bipolar Autobiography

My Mystic Bipolar Autobiography

By David Dalton

How I Reconciled My Mystical with My Mental Health Experiences

In this article I claim that my mood cycles have been affected by lunar and solar cycles, and that I am similar to some past major pagan and non-pagan religious figures.

In 1986 at age 22, during a low year of the 11-year sunspot cycle, I suffered a long mild depression. It was treated first with desipramine, which didn't work and had too many side effects, and then with nortriptylene, which eventually worked but did cause my only epileptic seizure that December.

Early in September of 1991, while organizing orientation week activities at the University of British Columbia Graduate Student Centre, (having been inspired by musician-songwriter Sarah McLachlan and some others, and having experienced shaktipat from my yoga teacher), I went into my first manic episode. It began with a shower of ideas early on September 1^st, and culminated in a naked sun stare, thorn hill climb, and blue rose vision on September 5^th and 6^th.

Just before my manic episode started, I witnessed some clear sky lightning, which I relate to an M-class solar flare that took place two days prior. This manic episode occurred during a waning crescent moon in a high year of the 11-year sunspot cycle. During the sun stare, I observed a curved tunnel effect, like a divine horn of oil with its wide mouth toward me, and then giant butterfly wings of space folding in on me. Then I blacked out and fell into the water.

After this experience, I remained at a mental health ward for five weeks while my lithium level was adjusted. In May of 1992, during a waxing gibbous moon, I smoked a marijuana joint on Wreck Beach intending to relax. Instead, I went into a mixed/psychotic episode resulting in a week-long hospitalization. I emerged from this stint on 5mg of haloperidol per day, in addition to the lithium. In early July 1992, during an early waxing moon, I had a suicidal period which ceased when my psychiatrist told me to come off haloperidol. After that, I would only use haloperidol as needed and on rare occasions.

In the next two and a half years I experienced three more waxing gibbous moon trials, triggered by alcohol use, and three waning crescent hypomanias with onset 5.5 lunar months after each waxing gibbous moon trial onset. Based on the first two 5.5 lunar month separations, I predicted the late August/early September 1994 high.

After the March 1994 trial I gave up drinking alcohol during the week before a full moon but continued to drink at other phases with no ill effects. I had one more waning crescent high in early July 1994 that did not have a waxing gibbous moon trial precursor, but like the others had an M-class solar flare two days prior. Similar to the September 1991 high, my June 1993 high and August-September 1994 high had clear sky lightning at their onsets. The early January 1994 high occurred during highly variable weather. The highs were pleasant and characterized by playfulness and creativity accompanied by a feeling of mystical connectedness within nature. The trials were unpleasant and characterized by a feeling of the world turning sour around me.

Beginning early in 1996, I entered into low years. They were low in terms of creativity, at times in terms of mild depression and anxiety, and at other times in terms of delusion and even paranoia. For some past figures such low years seem to have lasted seven years, but for me they have lasted 18.5 years (as of July 29, 2014). So far, I think since I have had modern medicines, and since lifespans are longer today on average, it could be that my low years will not last much longer than 18 years (7 years plus an 11 year sunspot cycle). I hope to come out of them soon after this writing date, which is August 20, 2014. But on my current medication regimen, 1250 mg divalproex sodium and 10 mg olanzapine nightly, the low years are not very low except in terms of creativity.

I have also done comparisons of my cycles to those of past figures. The three figures I have the most evidence that I am similar to are Gwion (Taliesin), the Turquoise Bee, and Jesus (the heavens opening and wings descending during Jesus' baptism I liken to my sun stare experience which I described earlier). For more detail on my comparisons to them and several other past figures, and on my mystic bipolar autobiographical details, please do a web search for Salmon on the Thorns.

Faith That Began as Small as a Mustard Seed by Luanne

Faith That Began as Small as a Mustard Seed

By Luanne

How Nursing and My Spiritual Strength Helped Save My Life and Others

My name is Luanne. I am a 52-year-old from Lexington, South Carolina. I was first diagnosed with mental illness in 1996. When I look back now on my life, I believe that my mental illness began in high school and got worse during my first marriage. I was emotionally and physically abused, which resulted in a very nasty divorce and custody battle over my two children. I was diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety, depression and dependent personality disorder. I believe that my mental health diagnosis is due to genetic factors as well as trauma. I believe that my mother had bipolar but was never officially diagnosed. I did inherit an alpha protein deficiency, which has been shown to cause bipolar and epilepsy (I have both).

In high school, I suffered from extreme depression because of the dysfunction I was living in. Even though I grew up in a dysfunctional family, I still must give credit to my mom, who took me and my sister to church at a young age. I was introduced to Jesus, and had the seed of faith planted at an early age. It was my faith that got me through the darkest times of my life. In high school, I put all my time and energy into my studies and the marching band. I preferred to stay at school and away from my dysfunctional family. I knew from a young age that I wanted to be a nurse. My dream was to go to third-world countries on medical missions, but I soon learned that my mission would be at home. I found some old nursing magazines in the garage of my neighbor’s house, who had moved. Reading them reinforced my dream to become a nurse. In 1980, I enrolled in a local technical college and began my studies to become a licensed practical nurse. I then got a two-year degree and continued on to get a four-year degree to become a registered nurse. I found my purpose in life as a nurse, and I had dreams to save the world. My nursing career lasted over 31 years. I saved many lives and went on to become RN of the year for the med-surg department at a local hospital and was also included in Who Who’s in Nursing several times. I gained confidence in nursing with my educational degrees and the initials behind my name. One day I lost it all and found myself without any self-worth. I had to learn the hard way that my self-worth comes from God.

In 1996, I had my first admission to the psychiatric hospital. I had three admissions; more voluntary admissions because of suicidal thoughts. The first trip to the hospital in 1996 was by the police when my husband tried to cover up his emotional and physical abuse by claiming I needed psychiatric help. Even though my psychiatrist said he had no reason to commit me, I stayed at the hospital for a week just to get away from my husband. Shortly after the first admission, my husband and I separated and I filed for divorce. My husband won the first custody battle and the home which I had bought. He simply won because he had a better attorney than I did. The next year without my kids was the worst year of life. My days were filled with anxiety and panic attacks over losing my kids. I also lost the job that I had simply because I was honest and told the director of nursing that I had bipolar. It was my first taste of discrimination and stigma related to having a mental illness. My ex-husband married again and physically abused his second wife. I remember coming home and turning the whole mess over to God. When I did, with my new attorney’s help, I got my kids back. I went on to experience stigma and discrimination from people who seemed to have the mentality that those with a mental illness were second class citizens.

In 2007, I went back to school and earned my master’s degree in mental health counseling. I was determined to offer hope to those with a mental illness. I also became a peer support specialist and a South Carolina Share Mentor. At this time, I am awaiting and battling the broken system of social security disability. Although I am not currently employed, I still believe that God has a purpose for my life, despite my mental illness.

Having a mental illness has brought challenges in relationships, occupations, and other areas that most people do not have to face. Despite these challenges, I have become a better person and have learned many things on my journey through life. Most of all, my faith has increased.