By
William Jiang, MLS
New
York City Voices helped me along the way
New
York City Voices was founded by Ken Steele in 1995,
17 years ago. I was recruited by Dan Frey in early 2000, shortly after Ken died
and left Dan at the helm of the newspaper. I shared my own personal story of
recovery at that point in 2000 with the paper, and now, in 2012, my personal
story of recovery continues.
A
lot has happened in my life since then. When Dan recruited me I was fresh out
of library school with my Masters, and I was excited to work with a
newspaperman. The internship at City Voices was a good idea to get some job
experience. Dan got me to work as a grant writer, webmaster, advertising
manager, and freelance journalist. I parlayed the City Voices experience into
my first career position as an adjunct lecturer at Kingsborough Community
College as a librarian. The Kingsborough Community College position led to a
seven-year position at the prestigious New York State Psychiatric Institute as
the chief librarian of their Patient and Family Library. At New York State
Psychiatric Institute I wrote my autobiography titled A Schizophrenic Will:
A Story of Madness, A Story of Hope, which, recently, has outsold Sylvia Nasar’s
A Beautiful Mind on Amazon.com. I am now in the process of returning to
university part-time to study German at Hunter College, and to keep myself
busy. I am currently tutoring people who seek further knowledge in Spanish,
French, math, Photoshop, video editing, and book design.
However,
life has not been an easy, straight road. I continue to struggle with clinical
depression, physical aches and pains that I have accumulated over the years, as
well as the schizophrenia that I have had since 1992. I was lucky to survive
2011 as I had two hospitalizations in November that involved suicidal ideas and
urges. In November I welcomed the institutional halls of Columbia Presbyterian
in White Plains because in that hospital was a measure of safety. I was afraid
of what I might do to myself if let go without a medication regimen that did
not work. After the mood stabilizer lithium failed, I was scared that nothing
would work. The doctors were going to try Depakote on me. After an empowering
conversation with a mental health therapy aide, I convinced my doctors to try
me on Saphris or Fanapt as a mood stabilizer. My doctor put me on Saphris as a
mild mood stabilizer, and the good news is that in addition to regular
exercise, the Saphris seems to be helping me to stabilize my mood.
Another
thing that has helped me, over the years, is my power of insight and my ability
to fine-tune my medicines, with my doctor’s ok, to keep me out of the hospital
and out of trouble. For some odd reason, when I start losing touch with
reality, I sense it happening. I am able to take a little more of my
antipsychotic, Navane, when this happens, and by using this technique, I have
been able to keep myself out of the hospital for many years. This apparent
control I have over my medication and neurochemistry has been a blessing for me
because I’ve been able to take less of the antipsychotic than otherwise, and I
have had the benefit of less sedation than if I were on a consistently higher
dose. I feel that I work as a team player with my psychiatrists in my recovery.
The game plan is to stay in therapy and keep an eye on my medication so we can
beat the unbeatable opponent that is in my head: the schizophrenia. Although, I
have not beaten schizophrenia for over 19 years now, neither has my competitor
beaten me, and we continue to play the game. I feel I am playing as a worthy
opponent against a formidable diagnosis.
My
great regret is that I have had few girlfriends over the years and that none of
them have stuck. That is the one thing in life that I feel that I am missing
right now: a good girlfriend to share the highs and lows, the good times and
the bad, in this drama that is life. I know I’ll meet her someday, and the
figurative hearth burns with a steady, warm flame.
In
the meantime, I work, I hang out with friends, and I study. I salute New
York City Voices for their continued role as the oldest, and largest free
newspaper for the people of New York City who suffer from the slings and arrows
of mental illness.
Note:
The author does not suggest that you manage your own medications as he does
unless you talk to your psychiatrist and decide together that it is a safe and
practical thing to do. As always, the medical advice of your doctor or your pharmacist
should be heeded. To contact Will email fishmonger1972@gmail.com.
