Tuesday, December 10, 2013

I’m Not Mentally Ill, I’m Just Different

I’m Not Mentally Ill, I’m Just Different
By Eddie
I was in college and spent a lot of time experimenting with different substances, culminating at the point where I took a large amount of the main ingredient in Robitussin. It made me feel like I was the Creator of the Universe, freaking out the kids around me as well as my girlfriend. She broke up with me the next day, wanting me to get some help.
I checked myself into the hospital, missed an entire year of college, and began a regimen with various medications, from Risperdal to Geodon, all of which did a number on my body. That was 2002.
Much has happened since then, but it was mostly about me adjusting to the different medicines until I found the right combination that sort of worked for me (although my energy is not up to speed and I’m having problems with sexual functioning).
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder in 2004, and have been on SSDI (disability benefit) for quite some time now. I’m a musician, and my dream is to make and play music about real issues in the world. I’m introspective, a deep thinker. However, I do hear a voice in my head, but it’s my own thoughts.
In my opinion, I think everyone has a voice in their head, but it’s a matter of how prominent that voice guides your life versus moving and using your body in the physical world. At what point does the voice of your thoughts command the things you do, and at what point are the things you imagine not socially acceptable to the ordinary world? In a time when life seems to be evolving at an accelerated pace, whether positively or negatively, what is the fine line between, for example, praying to God, and talking with God? The former is done in churches, and the latter lands you in the psych ward.
I believe my real illness is not schizoaffective at all.
This mark of a diagnosis that people use to pigeonhole and label you to fit in their box is their preconceived notion of reality. My real illness is that of Resistance, letting my mind linger on the things I care about, such as music. And I also desire to be situated in a better creative environment, rather than living with my family at thirty years of age. This is something I’m working on.
With my deepest willpower, I will eventually have the life I want to live and wean myself off of these meds so I don’t have to suffer through the side effects. Every human mind is infinitely different from others, yet we all share a communicative space with similar bodies. I am not mentally ill at all, just different. If I work hard at the things I do best and love, my dreams will be realized.


Bruni in the City: “Falling Out of Love”

Bruni in the City: “Falling Out of Love”
By Christina Bruni
Like a Bad “Air Supply” Song
I fell out of love with the Holy Cannoli guy. It just happened that way. I was all out of love, just like the singer sang in that bad Air Supply song from the 1980s. He couldn't live without her, yet he had no love left either.
I have a problem attracting guys who can only see me at certain times because they're unavailable every week. One guy was a Tiger, and I'm a Snake. That makes us mortal enemies, according to Chinese astrology.
How could someone, a woman no less, fall out of love with a guy, when it's usually the guy who doesn't return calls and does an abrupt fade?
I'm not proud of this break-up. I recommend you screw up the courage to tell the person gently, "The feeling I had isn't there anymore. We were romantic. Now I'm uncomfortable just being friends after we dated."
That guy asked me what was up. "I'd rather you didn't call me anymore," I told him point blank. "Okay," he said. And hung up.
Ladies, it's a crock of bull to want to remain friends with a guy after you've been lovers. I tried that with a guy who thought we could return to being good friends. Did I really need to know the intimate details of his current love life? He didn't get it, and I didn't enlighten him either.
The recent guy and I hit it off, and that was the problem. I realized that if I could get together with him, I could find another guy if I wanted. Oh, I wanted it to work out. He was a good guy.
Last July, I joined chemistry.com. About every two weeks I get a "Christina, you've been noticed by him" email message in my inbox.
A psychic told me I'd meet a guy I had never met before, and he'd be divorced and the attraction would be solid. Could it be possible "Mr. Right" was on the way?
My latest goal is to upload circa now 2013 photos to the dating website. I'm an eternal optimist and a hopeless romantic. Chemistry.com is much better than the dating website for people with mental illness.
A guy on that site almost 10 years ago told me in his second online message, "I don't want to be friends...I expect sex," like I was some kind of inflatable vagina-of-the-month play doll. We hadn't even met or corresponded.
I know two people with mental illness who met each other on chemistry.com. Neither of them knew about the other's pharmacological history when they dated until they decided to get engaged and spill their secrets.
The point is this: There's more to life than your diagnosis. I signed onto chemistry.com because it matches people based on four personality types. I'm a director, and (ahem), "Sparks fly in the bedroom between two directors."  I'm still waiting for that to happen with the right person.
To all the guys I've loved before: You deserve better than a woman who ends her column paraphrasing a Julio Iglesias song.
What is it about bad love songs? Does getting to the church on time terrify me like it does for the guy in "Modern Love" by David Bowie? And yet, I want to find my number one, not a one-hit wonder. When that happens, I'll gladly take down this column and keep things private.
I'll report back soon whether my Summer in the City sizzled or fizzled out. Ciao for now.

Employment Tips for Job-Seekers:

Employment Tips for Job-Seekers:
By Carl Blumenthal
How To Be Successful Whatever Stage You’re At
Since the age of 16, I've had 26 paying jobs, including full-time, part-time, and summer positions, lasting from one month to five years. Given I'm now 62, that's a lot of employment experience. Those jobs have varied from washing dishes and being a building porter to writing for a newspaper and running a merchants' association. And from 2002 to 2005, I was a job counselor for Network Plus, Baltic Street AEH's assisted competitive employment (ACE) program.
As someone living with bipolar disorder, I'm lucky that my hypo-mania has meant long periods of great energy on the job, and cursed that my depressions resulted in six or seven years of unemployment.
Currently, thanks to Network Plus, of which I'm a client in recovery after my latest blues, I'm a part-time peer advocate at Baltic Street AEH (Advocacy, Employment, and Housing). In other words, for the umpteenth time in my life, I'm starting over; something I never think I can do. This is an important part of my story and I hope it is of yours, too.
Here are my tips for getting hired:
1. The job market is tough enough to face alone, so get help. The Coalition of Behavioral Health Agencies has just revised "The WORKbook: A Guide to New York City's Mental Health Employment Programs." Call 212-742-1600 for a copy, or find it online at www.coalitionny.org. The booklet provides information about services offered throughout the five boroughs. Baltic Street AEH's Network Plus, where I receive help, is one such program, with locations in downtown Brooklyn (718-797-2509) and Borough Park (718-377-8567).
Services at these programs usually include assessment of your readiness to work, and designing a personalized plan to identify employment goals and achieve them, including how to acquire necessary training or education. Support from staff or other consumers is often available for seeking a job that can run the gamut from volunteering and internships to various kinds of paid, part-time and full-time positions, either working with mental health peers, or in so-called "competitive" jobs.
Be advised that participation is not a quick fix. Don't be disappointed if it takes months rather than weeks to find something. Many unemployed people without mental illness have been looking for several years. But, as with everything else, persistence pays off. Then, these same programs can counsel you as you face challenges on the job.
2. Have a passion and follow through. Sure, there's drudgery on every job, and maybe I've been lucky with my choices, but I can honestly say I've loved every one of them, and worked like my life depended on it, which it does.
The question is always: "Well, what's realistic, say if I don't have much education or experience due to my illness or other extenuating circumstances?" Here's where it helps to create short-, mid-, and long-term goals.
For example, you like to grow things on your windowsill. First, you might learn more about new plants you could try. Then, about indoor plants in general. Next, join a community garden, learn from your neighbors how to plant veggies, and save yourself some money. Or try courses at one of the city's botanic gardens. They're more expensive, but have led many people to gainful employment.
Or maybe you're that compulsive person who likes to keep things neat and clean. Try hiring yourself out to relatives and friends as references for a cleaning company. Obviously, neither of these examples represents an overnight solution. But, how long have you been unemployed? You have to start somewhere to get somewhere.
3. It's what you know and who you know. Education, training, or on-the-job experience builds knowledge and skills. That goes without saying. However, knowing the people who either directly or indirectly know about job opportunities is still the best way to gain employment. This is how I've obtained almost all my jobs.
Unfortunately, many people these days spend countless, unsuccessful hours scouring the Internet for openings, and, if they're conscientious, tailoring their applications and resumes to those positions and the companies offering them. So, if you don't have much experience using the Internet for this or other purposes, you may not be at a great disadvantage. The above kind of employment services can help you learn more about the Internet.
Compile a list of everyone you know who is employed and talk to them about who they know who is in the know about job opportunities. Again, a job counselor can help you with this, but you need to do the legwork.    
4. Looking for employment is a full-time job. How many times have you heard this? And who wants to hear it again when they're having symptoms of mental illness that interfere with their motivation, energy, concentration, or articulateness?
Here your treatment team (for both physical and mental health) and any peer support group are all-important. The other wellness dimensions are also key. While you're focusing on the occupational, financial, physical and emotional dimensions, don't forget the others: environmental (especially housing), intellectual and spiritual.
Performing your favorite activities can reinforce the energy needed to tackle the job search. And the more you're meeting people who engage in the same activities (that social dimension), the more likely you'll find someone who knows the right someone for a job.
If all this wellness talk sounds overwhelming, there are aids to help you, such as Mary Ellen Copeland's "Wellness Recovery Action Plan" (WRAP). Network Plus uses a wellness assessment during its initial intake and will make appropriate referrals to assist you.
5. Just as recovery from mental illness is a lifetime process, with many starts and stops, so employment can be here today, gone tomorrow.  This is true for everyone, whatever obstacles they face in life. As I stated above, motivation and persistence are essential.
But, allow me to contradict myself a bit. You may try for a job, succeed in getting one, and decide that this job, or employment in general, is not for you. Please don't conclude this is your fate. Be honest, with yourself and your counselor, about what you liked and disliked during the process, so you can learn some lessons. Maybe devote yourself to other dimensions of wellness to boost your confidence for future job searches.
Most of all, don't give up on yourself, whatever you decide to do. I've done that too many times in my life and it made recovery all that much harder. I'm thrilled now to be part of that stream of humanity from my neighborhood heading to the subway every morning for work.

How to Find Disability-Friendly Jobs on Craigslist.org

How to Find Disability-Friendly Jobs on Craigslist.org
There is a way to find jobs on Craigslist where people with disabilities are encouraged to apply. First, visit Craigslist for the city in which you want to work. Under Jobs, click the appropriate sector where you want to find jobs (for example: admin/office or nonprofit sector). In the search box at top of the next page, type the word “disabilities.” You will get a list of job openings by date. Select one and scroll to the bottom of the page where you will see a number of bulleted items. Look for a bulleted item that says: “OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities.” Although this does not guarantee a friendly work atmosphere for people with psychiatric disabilities or that the employer will provide “reasonable accommodations” to ensure that you are comfortable there—it is more likely that the employer will be sensitive to those issues than those postings that lack said bulleted item.
If you are still not sure how to go about this, send an email to newyorkcityvoices@gmail.com and someone will walk you through it. Thank you Craig, founder of Craigslist, for allowing employers to specify that they welcome disabled applicants. Good luck in your job search. Let us know how it goes.

Our Experience at the NYC Creating Wellness Fair

Our Experience at the NYC Creating Wellness Fair
By Jen Cohn, BS, CPRP and Christina Serrano, BS, CPRP, Wellness Trainers, CSPNJ Institute for Wellness and Recovery Initiatives
On Tuesday, June 25, 2013 we attended the first annual Wellness Fair at the Harlem YMCA located at 180 W 135th St. in New York City.  The event was coordinated by an energized team through the leadership of Carlton Whitmore, Jody Silver, and Sharon Niederman from the NYC Department of Health and Mental Hygiene (DOHMH) Office of Consumer Affairs, along with a variety of community based organizations, including NYAPRS, Baltic Street AEH, Howie T. Harp, New York City OMH Field Office, in addition to technical assistance by Peggy Swarbrick of Collaborative Support Programs of New Jersey (CSPNJ). It was so exciting to be part of this wellness community. Despite the 90+-degree heat, approximately 100 people attended the event, which was scheduled from 10am-3pm. The program included opening remarks by Jody Silver, Director of the DOHMH Office of Consumer Affairs and Colleen Mimnagh, a peer support specialist with NYAPRS. Presentations were made by staff from the DOHMH Take Care NY Campaign, and the Bureau of Chronic Disease Prevention and Tobacco Control. Presentations included an overview of wellness in the 8 dimensions by Dr. Peggy Swarbrick, and presentations by Rebecca Lee, a physical activity coordinator, on sugary drinks and nutrition, and by Jenna Ritter, who talked about yoga for healing. There were several other stimulating workshops, including drumming and healthy eating. The gym floor was filled with vendors sharing information on diabetes, smoking cessation, controlling blood sugar, etc.
How refreshing to attend a health event and view wellness through different lenses. Christina discovered Mike Veny, an “outside the box” presenter using drumming as a tool to engage recovering individuals.
Christina on Drumming at the Fair
Drumming peaked my interest, being of Puerto Rican heritage with a family of percussion players. After talking with Mike, I decided to attend his workshop. Overall, I was intrigued and energized by this great workshop in a comfortable room where a circle of people played various percussion instruments, rain sticks, djembé drums, and others I couldn’t readily identify, but sounded amazing. I chose a big beautiful djembé drum.
Mike spoke of his mental health journey and inspiration to share his talent, easily connecting with the 20+ participants who acknowledged his challenge facilitating a workshop while working through severe anxiety. Mike got us out of our seats for a “rhythm test” icebreaker. He played cowbell as we walked to the beat, found a partner, struck funny poses, and screamed out loud when the music stopped.
Then we sat down to make our magic. Mike conducted with hand gestures to stop, or “bring it down” to a quieter sound, encouraging us to create our own music and connect with one another.
Shy curious participants, myself included, were confident drummers by workshop’s end. Everyone had a solo and we drummed our appreciation. We each shared what we learned and felt. Everyone smiled, having shed our daily stress.
Mike conducts drumming events across the country, such as employee team building workshops and large conferences of several hundred people. His website testimonials speak for themselves (www.transformingstigma.com). I am now among those who love to drum their feelings.
Jen on Nutrition at the Fair
I attended an eye-opening nutrition workshop run by Ruth Chiles R.D., CDN. Ruth opened by handing us paper plates and asking, “What did you have for dinner last night?” instructing us to draw last night’s dinner. It seems the old food pyramid has been replaced with a 9-inch plate, ¼ portion for protein, another ¼ for carbohydrates, and ½ for vegetables, or a combination of fruits and vegetables. We should be eating a rainbow—a variety of non-processed foods, especially fruits and vegetables—meaning you’re getting a greater variety of vitamins. (See Choose My Plate, http://www.choosemyplate.org)
We discussed what we should eat and how we should eat it. Surprisingly, eating Chinese food straight from the container is a bad idea. Question: How many servings of food would be in Ruth’s pint of vegetable fried rice (carbohydrates)? The audience screamed 5! No, 10! Answer: A pint of Chinese vegetable fried rice holds about 5 servings of rice. That’s enough to fill up 5 meals worth of carbohydrates on your plate. Ruth emphasized most people eat half a pint (out of the container!) or may eat it all as one meal. By eating from your plate, you’ll eat less than the whole container.
Finally, we checked our plates to see if they matched the serving recommendations. Good news! Most folks ate the recommended portions. I left the workshop with newfound knowledge.
The overall take-home message of the fair was this: Do what makes you healthy, happy and well. Eating healthy, exercising and using constructive outlets for emotional balance are good for everyone, though the path of overall wellness varies per individual. Whether yoga, drumming, quitting smoking, or eating more nutritiously, the path to wellness is an inspiring journey.
Note: You can contact NYC DOHMH Office Of Consumer Affairs, (347) 396-7194 or Bfoster@health.nyc.gov. They also have a wellness list serve that promotes wellness information and resources: wellnessworks4us@yahoogroups.com

Young Man Interrupted

Young Man Interrupted
By Bob
How Mental Illness Detoured My Extraordinary Education/Career
I was born into a family of seven in Minnesota 60 years ago, then moved to Pennsylvania in 1964 where I developed many friendships of all ages over the years. I attended high school in a Pittsburgh suburb and excelled in both academia, sports and extracurricular activities. Upon graduation I was accepted at Yale, Dartmouth, Princeton and Notre Dame, to name a few. I chose Princeton.
My family was not wealthy and so I needed to work on campus and take out quite a few loans in order to matriculate. I did have a partial scholarship, but since my four sisters and I were born within five years of each other, we were all in universities simultaneously, which caused an extreme financial burden on the family. 
I also played sports and majored in English Literature. My freshman year I lettered in both football and crew. My grades were not good, as I was stretched pretty thin and also was experimenting with grass. And I had a required withdrawal at the end of my freshman year.
With the help of my dad I got a job on the Great Lakes as a Merchant Marine, which paid well enough for me to return to Princeton after another lapse. I was still smoking grass and began smoking cigarettes, too. It was the 1970s and my hair was really long. While out of school I waited anxiously for my draft number. The Vietnam war was still waging. Luckily my number was high. 
I returned to Princeton University in New Jersey and did better in school, quit football but still rowed Crew which was very strenuous. I also joined Tower Club and started drinking a lot there. The legal age was lowered to 18 while I attended, much to my detriment. I had a girl friend I professed to love who was a little older than me and was going to Rutgers after undergrad work at Vassar.
My Junior year I was still rowing crew and again doing poorly in classes. During this time my mom was dying of cancer and my sibs were still in college. My dad wanted me to withdraw from the school I loved. Plus I had marriage plans. I got a case of poison ivy while working a summer job on campus and was treated with cortical steroids which I was allergic to. That, the drinking, and use of grass and the pressure caused me to have my first breakdown. I went into convulsions. My father came in from Pennsylvania and he and my girlfriend drove me back to Pittsburgh, since I would not be allowed on a flight being incoherent and so debilitated from the spasms. I remember lying on the back floor of my girlfriend's car in agony as my dad drove us back to Pittsburgh; it felt like my brain was on fire and lit up like a klieg light.
I ended up at Western Pennsylvania Institute and Clinic (WPIC) and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. My current diagnosis is schizo-affective disorder. I have been hospitalized some 20 times over the years, even in state institutions such as Mayview.
My mother died after I left Princeton. I was heavily in debt and defaulted on my loans. Years later, through perseverance, I paid them back with interest, established credit and worked at many different jobs despite having additional breakdowns. My family really didn't help me out at all during that time. Not one of my siblings visited while I was hospitalized. They all are married with happy existences.
At the present time, I am happy with a girlfriend and two cats which are like our children. My family is more accepting of me now that I am well. I gave up drinking years ago as well as smoking. I went back to night school at The University of Pittsburgh and graduated with Honors with a degree in the Humanities, a major in English and minor in Philosophy, while working full time. None of my sibs came to my graduation ceremonies.
My dad died too young, just after retiring.
Although now I enjoy fishing with friends, playing board games, cats, pottery and poker, cooking and am pretty much a homebody, I was always underemployed, and often worked for minimum wage. Now, I am on disability for my chronic illness. My last hospitalization was two years ago.
It seems the medicines just fail to work at some point, but I know my symptoms and generally go in voluntarily. My current medications are Saphris and Depakote. I see a psychiatrist regularly every three months.

Landmark Settlement for New York City Adult Home Residents

Landmark Settlement for New York City Adult Home Residents
By Jota Borgmann, Senior Staff Attorney, MFY Legal Services, Inc.
State to Fund At Least 2,000 Units of Supported Housing for Residents
On July 23, adult home residents in New York City reached a landmark settlement with the State of New York. The settlement ensures that thousands of residents of 23 large adult homes (see sidebar) will have the opportunity to live in their own homes with the services they need to succeed and be part of their communities.
The settlement follows nearly a decade of litigation in a related case, Disability Advocates, Inc. v. Paterson. The new case, O’Toole v. Cuomo, was brought by residents of three adult homes on behalf of approximately 4,000 residents citywide. The plaintiffs alleged that New York State unnecessarily segregates people with mental illness in adult homes in violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). “This case puts a face on people with mental illnesses and our struggle to be integrated back into the community at large,” said Plaintiff Steven Farrell, a resident of Oceanview Manor Home for Adults in Brooklyn. The settlement offers adult home residents “freedom and the ability to grow,” said Plaintiff Raymond O’Toole.
The State agreed to fund at least 2,000 units of supported housing for adult home residents, and more if needed. Every adult home resident who qualifies will have the choice to move to community housing within five years. Supported housing is an apartment in the community that comes with rent assistance and support services. Residents can live alone or with roommates if they choose. The support services may include visits from case managers or help with moving, healthcare, shopping, medication, or personal care.  
Many adult home residents are excited about finally having the opportunity to move out of adult homes and have more freedom and choice in their day-to-day lives. “I’m thrilled about this settlement,” said Plaintiff Ilona Spiegel. “At my adult home, they don’t do anything to inspire you or encourage you to move forward. I know how to take care of myself. I want to work my way back to independence.”
MFY Legal Services, Inc. represents the adult home residents with co-counsel from Disability Rights New York, the Bazelon Center for Mental Health Law, New York Lawyers for the Public Interest, Urban Justice Center and Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison, LLP.
Adult home residents in New York City who have questions about the settlement may call MFY toll-free at (877) 417-2427.

[Sidebar:]
The settlement will affect residents with serious mental illness living in these 23 adult homes:
Belle Harbor Manor
Brooklyn Adult Care Center
Central Assisted Living, LLC
Elm York LLC
Garden of Eden Home
Harbor Terrace Adult Home and Assisted Living
Kings Adult Care Center
Lakeside Manor Home for Adults
Mermaid Manor Home for Adults
New Gloria's Manor Home for Adults
New Haven Manor
Oceanview Manor Home for Adults
Park Inn Home
Parkview Home for Adults
Queens Adult Care Center
Riverdale Manor Home for Adults
Rockaway Manor HFA
S.S. Cosmas and Damian Adult Home
Sanford Home
Seaview Manor, LLC
Surf Manor Home for Adults
Surfside Manor Home for Adults
Wavecrest Home for Adults