Ward Stories: Poetry

Organized by Dan Frey, Editor in Chief
Four poets are featured in this Winter 2018 edition of Ward Stories: Eva Tortora, Mary Divine, Richard A. Martinez Jr., and Louie Morano. One poem has an expression of love, another an eloquent and painful complaint, the others offer advice with a side dish of hope. Find what you need; take what you want and hopefully enjoy.

Love
By Eva Tortora
Love
surrounds my heart
from you
accepting me
and all my poems
and all my years
of battles, roses
sweat and tears
so on this day
thank you
and all my lessons
and all my poems,
love in my heart
from your acceptance
so I can write 1,000 more poems
and songs and words
blessing you

Living life with P.T.S.D.
By Mary Divine
How am I supposed to feel,
When the pain and nightmares become so real?

What am I supposed to say,
When all my hope has gone away?

When do I stop and get the choice,
To end the noise, quiet the voice?

Flashbacks, isolation and hypervigilance abound,
Peace and calmness cannot be found.

I often feel like the walking dead,
Stuck with the memories inside my head.

I sit alone quiet and don’t want to talk.
I think I would feel better if I go outside and walk.

This does not help, I feel as bad.
Am I going crazy? Am I going mad?

What can I do? I know this feeling is wrong.
I feel I’m always fighting, but help! I’m not that strong.

I wish I could go back in time,
To a place where my life was truly mine.

And be the person I used to be:
Normal, happy, smiling, free.

But no, this is not then, but now. 
I must devise a way somehow.

To halt bad thoughts, somehow someway,
To live my life from day to day.

A Season of Change
By Richard A. Martinez Jr.
Spending time
With family, with those who care
Living life
With people who share
I know when handling stress
From a heavy heart and burden
Can only tell why
Suddenly you can be certain
There is no way for me to tell
One thing from another
Just treat your sister like your sister
And your brother like your brother
Another day
Under what we stand for
Greatness can be made
Our hearts are our cure

Your Problems Will Disappear
By Louie Morano
You can make your life anything
you want it to be
simply by changing the
way you Think.

Instead of being sad you can feel great.
Go ahead and do it and give
yourself a break.

Turn a rotten day into a terrific one.
Good Times have just begun.

Listen to Norman Vincent Peale
and think positive.
It will be like crossing a bridge
from a world of sadness
to one of joy.

If life has you down and you feel annoyed
Think different thoughts that are a bit happier.
All your problems will disappear.

Freeze Your Rent through the Disability Rent Increase Exemption Program

By Lynette Morrow, Volunteer Attorney, Mobilization for Justice (formerly MFY Legal Services) 

One Way for The City to Try to Prevent Homelessness and Institutionalization

Rents in New York are high. It is one of the problems that many people with disabilities face in trying to stay in their communities. However, there is potential relief. The Disability Rent Increase Exemption (DRIE, also known as the NYC Rent Freeze Program) program provides an exemption from future rent increases for some people with disabilities. People with disabilities who live in rent-controlled, rent-stabilized, Mitchell-Lama, or other eligible apartments are eligible for a DRIE if they meet certain eligibility requirements. 

In 1970, New York City (NYC) began the Senior Citizen Rent Increase Exemption (SCRIE) program. The SCRIE program offers qualifying senior citizens an exemption from future rent increases. In 2005, NYC created the DRIE program to offer the same benefit for qualifying tenants with disabilities. NYC did this to help senior citizens and people with disabilities living on fixed incomes maintain their current apartments at an affordable rate and remain in the community. 

Who is Eligible for a DRIE?
To qualify for a DRIE, you have to be at least 18 years of old and meet four eligibility requirements. First, you must be named on the lease or the rent order or have been granted succession rights in a rent controlled, rent stabilized, or rent regulated hotel apartment, or in a Mitchell-Lama development. If you live in a New York City Housing Authority (NYCHA) apartment, an apartment that is partially or fully paid by a Section 8 voucher, or in a non-rent regulated apartment (such as apartments in private homes and private cooperative buildings that are not subject to rent regulation), you are not eligible. Additionally, if you live in a sublet apartment (even if the apartment is rent-regulated), you are not eligible. 

Second, you must receive either Supplemental Security Income (SSI) or Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI), or a disability pension or compensation from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. You can also qualify if you receive disability-related Medicaid. 

Third, you must have a combined household income that is $50,000 or less. The DRIE program uses taxable and non-taxable income to determine eligibility. Gifts and inheritances are not included as income. Federal, State and local taxes as well as Social Security taxes are allowed as deductions in calculating income for the program. Medical expenses, Medicare premiums and capital or business losses are not allowed as deductions in calculating income. If you don’t file taxes, you can submit any documentation you have showing how you and your household members receive income such as Social Security statements, pension statements, IRA/Annuity statements (including earning statements), IRS forms 1099 and/or W2. 

Fourth, you must spend more than one-third of your monthly household income on rent. 

How does the DRIE Program Work?
DRIE is a tax credit program. NYC provides landlords with a dollar-for-dollar property tax abatement credit (TAC) that makes up the difference between the amount of rent paid by the DRIE participant and the actual legal rental amount. The Department of Finance (DOF) authorizes the TAC and transfers the credit to the building owner’s property tax account. 

How do You Apply for a DRIE?
You can download the initial application packet from the NYC website at http://www1.nyc.gov/site/rentfreeze/tools/drie-forms.page. You can also obtain the packet at the NYC DOF SCRIE/DRIE Walk-In Center at 66 John Street, 3rd Floor, New York, NY 10038. The packet is also available at the NYC DOF business centers (see here for locations: http://www1.nyc.gov/site/finance/about/contact-us-by-visit.page). 
For rent stabilized tenants, you will need to provide a copy of your prior and current leases signed by you and your landlord. If you live in rent controlled housing, you must provide a Notice of Maximum Collectible Rent and the owner’s report and Certification of Fuel Cost Adjustments for the prior and current year. If you are a Mitchell-Lama resident, you must provide a copy of the Housing Preservation and Development or Division of Housing and Community Renewal Commissioner’s Orders, Capital Assessment documents and Affidavit of Household Income for the prior year. Additionally, Mitchell-Lama residents must provide a rent printout or letter from the management office specifying the start date and the amount of the most recent rent increase. 

Once you apply for a DRIE, you will receive a letter within 45 days indicating the status of your application. If your application is approved, you will receive a letter from the DOF detailing the rate of your frozen rent and the monthly amount that the DOF will credit the landlord, as well as the beginning and end date of your benefits. The DOF may request more documentation to make a decision. If your application is denied, you will be notified as to why and you have the right to appeal. If it takes a few months to approve your application, you will receive retroactive benefits from the 1st of the month in the month after your application was received. 

You should automatically receive a renewal application from the DOF approximately 60 days before your benefits end. However, you are responsible for ensuring you renew your application. In order to renew, you must submit income documents for all household members for the prior year, as well as a copy of your renewal lease signed by you and the landlord. If you do not renew timely, your landlord will continue to receive credits through the grace period (six months). If your application is not renewed, you will be responsible for paying your landlord back for the difference between the frozen rent amount and the legal rent. 

DRIE is transferable to another apartment. If you are still eligible to receive a DRIE at your new apartment, the amount of your tax abatement credit amount will transfer with you. 

DRIE is a great benefit to those who qualify. Helping people stay in their homes is one of the most cost effective and humane ways to prevent homelessness. The DRIE program allows New Yorkers who have disabilities to avoid homelessness or institutionalization in the stability and dignity of their own homes. 

Note: If you have any questions or problems with your DRIE benefits, please contact Mobilization for Justice’s Mental Health Law Project. The intake line is open Monday, Tuesday and Thursday from 10 a.m.—5 p.m. The number is 212-417-3830. You can also email the Mental Health Law Project at mhlpinfo@mfjlegal.org. 

Is the NYPD the Best Response to New Yorkers in Crisis?

By Carla Rabinowitz, Advocacy Coordinator, Community Access, Project Coordinator, Communities for Crisis Intervention Teams in NYC (CCINYC)

Coalition Says the City Needs More Options

Recent police shootings of people in emotional distress have catalyzed our coalition of mental health advocates and organizations to further reform efforts. We testified about needed efforts at a recent City Council hearing, focusing on the need for alternatives to police responding to New Yorkers in crisis. On the day we testified, another NYC resident, Miguel Richards, was shot and killed by the NYPD. He was only 31 years old. Video of his shooting was recently released.

To create change, we need the Mayor to revive the defunct Taskforce on Behavioral Health and Criminal Justice. We need to bring all stakeholders together to build efforts to solve issues of community policing. And, we need the coordination of the Mayor’s office to find non-police alternatives to 911 calls of people in emotional distress.

We are planning a press conference for Wednesday, October 18, at the steps of City Hall in Manhattan at Noon. Everyone is invited to join us as we bring these pressing needs to the media to better inform elected officials.

My Testimony at the City Council Hearing on the NYPD Response to Mental Health Crises
“Thank you to the members of the Council for hearing this testimony today. My name is Carla Rabinowitz. I am the Advocacy Coordinator at Community Access and the Project Coordinator of CCINYC, a coalition of 75 organizations and stakeholders whose mission is to improve relations between the NYPD and the mental health community by advocating for a fully responsive Crisis Intervention Team approach and diverting mental health recipients away from the criminal justice system.

“Community Access is a 44-year-old non-profit that helps people with mental health concerns through quality supportive housing and employment training.

“CCITNYC and Community Access request that you revive the Mayor’s Task Force on Behavioral Health and Criminal Justice. This Taskforce met twice in 2014 and has since been defunct.
“We ask that you recommend the Mayor assign this Taskforce to the oversight of a Deputy Mayor.

“We need all stakeholders and all city and state agencies at the table to suggest alternatives to police responding to these EDP calls. Expanding co-response teams throughout the city, more mobile crisis teams, and pairing mental health peers with police to calm down these encounters are a few ideas to explore.

“Some of the contributions of the Taskforce have already been taken up by the city, including the implementation of CIT training for some members of the NYPD.

“The NYPD training is going well, though there is still a significant need for adequate training.

We ask that at least 15,000 officers be trained, especially since Rikers is closing and there will be more of these encounters. Countless people have been saved by CIT officers. CIT officers saved a child threatening his mom with a knife, and stopped many potential suicides.

“But CIT training alone is not going to prevent these recurring deaths.

“Since the NYPD started CIT training, at least 6 mental health recipients have died in police encounters:

“Mario Ocasio, age 51, in June 2015; Rashan Lloyd , age 25, in June 2016; Deborah Danner, age 66, in October 2016; Ariel Galarza, age 49, in November 2016; Dwayne Jeune, age 32, in July 2017; and Andy Sookdeo, age 29, in August 2017.

“We need to solve issues before mental health recipients get into crisis, and for that we need funding of community services.

“We need alternatives to hospitals, which recipients fear, like Respite care, where people in crisis can learn to recover and get connected to long-term support.

“We need to support the police by building diversion centers to provide a rapid handoff of New Yorkers in acute crisis from police custody to get immediate care and long-term connections to community resources.

“We need community forums with police and mental health recipients to reduce the fear in the mental health community when the police arrive.

“And most importantly, we need the Mayor to revive his 2014 Taskforce on Behavioral Health and Criminal Justice. And place this Taskforce under a Deputy Mayor, with the resources to get things done.

“We need all stakeholders and all city and state agencies at the table to suggest alternatives to police responding to these EDP calls. Expanding co-response teams throughout the city, more mobile crisis teams, and pairing mental health peers with police to calm down these encounters are a few ideas to explore.

“Therefore, we ask that you recommend the Mayor revive his 2014 Taskforce on Criminal Justice and Behavioral Health.”

Report Finds Barriers to Justice for Individuals in New York City Courts

Report Finds Barriers to Justice for Individuals in New York City Courts

By Nahid Sorooshyari, Senior Staff Attorney, MFY Legal Services, Inc.

We Examine the ADA Liaison Program

People with disabilities should have equal access to justice. Disability rights laws, like the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), require courts to make their programs and services accessible to people with disabilities. The New York Unified Court System (UCS) has a program for helping people with disabilities, called the ADA Liaison program. However, a recent report by MFY Legal Services found that the program needs to be improved.

The ADA requires courts to be accessible to people with physical disabilities. Courts must also make reasonable accommodations to their rules, policies, and procedures so that people with all types of disabilities—including psychiatric and invisible disabilities—can participate in the court’s services, programs, and activities to the same extent as people without disabilities. UCS has assigned at least one “ADA Liaison” to each courthouse. ADA Liaisons are court employees who should know about the ADA and how to work with people with disabilities. People with disabilities can contact their local ADA Liaison to request a reasonable accommodation or get information about their rights and are encouraged to do so before they come to court. The program could be a great help, but it has serious flaws.

Many people who need the program do not even know it exists. UCS is supposed to advertise information about the ADA and the ADA Liaison program. It uses an “Accessibility Information Webpage” to do so, but this webpage is not always highlighted on individual court websites or on other parts of the UCS website. UCS is also supposed to advertise the program in courthouses. UCS has posters to do so, but the posters are poorly designed. For example, they include four symbols—a person in a wheelchair, two hands symbolizing sign-language interpreting, an ear with a bar over it indicating services for the deaf, and a person with a cane. These symbols do not make it clear that people with psychiatric disabilities may also get accommodations.

Someone who finds out about the program faces another problem—reaching an ADA Liaison. UCS’s webpage provides a directory of ADA Liaisons. People are told to use the directory to contact their local ADA Liaison at the listed phone number. In May 2016, MFY tried to confirm the contact information of all forty-nine civil court ADA Liaisons listed for the five boroughs. MFY had a problem contacting the listed ADA Liaison more than 65% of the time. For example, 24% of the names and numbers listed were either for retired or former staff, or someone who stated they were not the ADA Liaison and 18% of the phone numbers simply did not work. Either the number was not in service or the call was sent to voicemail, but the caller could not leave a message. When we could leave a message, 24% of the voicemails were not returned within eight business days.

During the phone survey, MFY spoke to court staff who did not know about the program, or said that there was no ADA Liaison at that court. One person stated that she was given the position, but was never trained. In 2012, MFY requested all training materials provided to ADA Liaisons and documents stating which ADA Liaisons receive training and how often. The Office of Court Administration provided only a two-page pamphlet titled “Communicating with People with Disabilities,” and stated that there were no records about which ADA Liaisons received training or how often.

Probably due to poor training, ADA Liaisons often get the law wrong. For example, an MFY client requested to appear in court by telephone because a medical condition made her incontinent. The ADA Liaison incorrectly said that this was impossible because the client “lived in New York City.”  Also, ADA Liaisons too often suggest guardians ad litem (“GALs”)—people appointed to advocate for those who are unable to advocate for themselves. Though some people with disabilities may need a GAL, most can advocate for themselves with a reasonable accommodation. For example, someone with agoraphobia should be allowed to appear by telephone, not be assigned a GAL.

MFY’s report recommends ways to improve the ADA Liaison program. Since the report’s publication, MFY has met with court officials and community groups to try to implement these solutions and make justice for all a reality. If you would like to read MFY’s report, please visit our website at www.mfy.org. 

Let My People Go! A Call to Action

Let My People Go! A Call to Action

By Suzanne Gruer, Former Resident of an Adult Home

The Warehousing of Our Peers Must End

Almost five years ago, I was fortunate to leave the Garden of Eden adult home in which I resided for close to that long. My move from that adult home to the supported housing apartment in which I now reside was a one-time occurrence. Thousands of adult home residents today are less fortunate. They desperately want out. Yet few residents are escaping.

Current adult home residents are desperate to move for the same reasons I was: unsafe and unsanitary living conditions, theft, rancid food, compulsory program attendance, forced and unnecessary medical procedures, punitive hospitalizations, and suffering of all of the above in coerced silence. The owner of Garden of Eden was known for ordering residents to perform tasks for his benefit. Indeed, he once called me to his office to demand that I throw out the remains of his gourmet meal after he dined. Fearing he would hospitalize me if I refused, I complied.

Shortly thereafter, a social worker from the mental health day treatment program I was coerced to attend, in cahoots with a psychiatrist friend, completed an HRA 2010E application for supported housing on my behalf. In less than two months I moved into my airy, sunlit apartment. One month later the social worker lost her job.

Most residents were not as fortunate as I. They had no way out. Adult home owners conspire with day treatment and mental health providers to portray their residents as victims incapable of caring for themselves in a supported apartment milieu. I entered Garden of Eden ready to work so I could move out and rent my own place. Instead of working, I was forced to attend a day treatment program. I sat in that program for close to five years of my life. I now view those years as five wasted years, time I can never get back. Shortly after I moved I obtained employment, proving that I could have worked long before I moved into my apartment.

Frustration has been mounting over the inhumane warehousing of people with mental illness and other disabling conditions for many years. This frustration led to the 1999 Supreme Court decision, Olmstead v. L.C., in which the Court ruled that under Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), individuals with disabilities are entitled to live in communities of their choosing, rather than in institutions, so they can become integrated, fully participating members of their communities.

In 2003, Disability Rights New York (then Disability Advocates Inc. or DAI), the Bazelon Center for Mental Health Law, the Urban Justice Center’s Mental Health Project, MFY Legal Services, New York Lawyers for the Public Interest, and pro bono counsel Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison LLP filed a class-action lawsuit challenging the adult home industry’s illegal warehousing of approximately 4,000 individuals with serious mental illness in New York City. In 2009, they prevailed in a five-week federal court trial. In 2012, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit vacated that ruling on the grounds that the class representative, DAI, did not have standing to represent the class. In other words, the Court stated the class needed to be represented by actual residents living in adult homes.

The case was refiled as O'Toole vs. Cuomo. In 2013, a settlement was reached that required New York State to provide a multi-step, five-year process to transfer potentially over 4,000 adults with mental illness to supported apartments from adult homes.

The first step in this process is “in-reach,” during which housing contractors send representatives into adult homes to ask residents if they want to be assessed. Only about half of the 4,000 class members have expressed a desire to be assessed, largely because of poor “in-reach” and adult home practices that inhibit free discussion, such as lack of privacy to speak with in-reach workers.

Assessment is the second step. Although there are delays at each step, and the State of New York is performing poorly throughout the process, the most significant and alarming delay is at assessment. Because the State has neglected to enforce its contract with Transitional Services for New York, Inc. (TSI), a backlog of over 800 people waiting for assessment has persisted for more than a year. Of the 2,200 adult home residents who have expressed interest in moving to supported housing, approximately 500 residents have actually moved to community apartments over the past three years. A large part of the delay seems to be due to the insufficient staffing of the evaluation team. TSI employs only four people to conduct evaluations of adult home residents who wish to move into apartments in the community.

Both the assessment of a resident and a resident’s Human Resources Administration (HRA) approval (the third step) expire after twelve months. For some residents, there are issues that are never resolved such as assessment discrepancies resulting in either the assessment or the HRA approval timing out. This forces the resident to re-initiate the transition process after they have been expecting to move for at least a year.

The last steps in the transition process are housing contractor referrals and interviews, apartment viewing, apartment selection, moving to an apartment, and coordinating the appropriate services to help each resident to succeed in the community. These steps are conducted poorly as well, with residents often lacking services when they move.

The multistep process is bad. Yet bad has become worse. Over the past two years, more than 1,000 people with serious mental illness have been newly admitted into the impacted adult homes, contrary to the State’s unenforced regulations prohibiting such admissions.

In February 2017, a complex legal situation arose when the State colluded with the adult home industry to challenge the regulations for, and ultimately undo, the settlement.

On March 22^nd, the Coalition of Institutionalized Aged and Disabled (CIAD) spoke out in Albany against all this. This group of residents and allies works to advocate for the 5,000 residents trapped in adult homes. Simultaneously, plaintiffs’ counsel took legal action seeking to uphold the settlement.

Recently, in the comfort of my supported apartment, on my own couch, I watched a newsflash about NYC schoolchildren being fed rancid school lunches and the ensuing outrage. For years as an adult home resident I had no couch on which to sit and had to eat the rancid food served. Last night I cooked myself fresh chicken soup because I felt like it, all the while wondering: Where is the outrage concerning how adult home residents are made to suffer; about how I was made to suffer? Adult home residents, for the most part, are not viewed as the people we are; rather, adult home owners see us as objects that are mere conduits for profit. Most others don’t see us at all.

Note: To find the best way to get involved, please contact Geoff Lieberman of CIAD, at (212) 481-7572, or glieberman@ciadny.org

A Day of Advocacy and Demonstrations

A Day of Advocacy and Demonstrations
By Carla Rabinowitz, Advocacy Coordinator, Community Access, & Board Member, NYAPRS
NYAPRS Legislative Day 2017

February 28, 2017 was probably my favorite NYAPRS Legislative Day ever. New York Association of Psychiatric Rehabilitation Services is a 35-year-old organization that brings together mental health recipients and recipient-friendly service providers.
Mental health advocacy has come a long way. We are finally getting the respect we deserve.
The folks in attendance heard from Senator Robert Ortt, Assemblywoman Aileen Gunther, a representative from Governor Cuomo’s office, and a representative from the Office of Mental Health. We also gave out awards, including an award to Senator Jeffrion Aubry for his work on criminal justice issues.
New York City folks accounted for about 360 of the 700 people in Albany that day.
NYAPRS statewide folks filled a large auditorium called The Egg, which is shaped like an egg.
We not only heard from leaders in New York State government, we heard from NYAPRS’ Executive Director Harvey Rosenthal. Harvey went over the issues he hoped the attendees would talk about that day, including:
Funding to shore-up existing housing; Funding for new supportive housing and affordable housing; Raising the age for adult criminal responsibility to 18 years of age; Ending solitary confinement, the SHU, once and for all; More funding for comprehensive 36-hour police training around mental health called CIT (Crisis Intervention Team) training; and Opposition to Forced Treatment.
I was so excited this year because I got an old-style physical banner created, which read “Supportive housing saves lives, sign the MOU.” The MOU, memorandum of understanding, is a simple contract that the leaders of the NYS Senate, Assembly, and Government must all sign together. If they sign the MOU, $1.9 billion in housing funding gets released, creating 6,000 apartments. If they don’t sign the MOU, the money cannot be released for housing providers and new apartments will be much more difficult to build.
I held up the banner with a friend’s help when the elected officials were speaking in the auditorium and shouted, “Sign the MOU!”
I had some NYAPRS helpers hold up the banner when I spoke about housing on stage, and I carried the banner all around the NYS Capitol. I got some thumbs up signs from elected officials’ staffers, and a few snarls from NYS Security officers.
After listening to Harvey talk about the issues and hearing from some officials, some people went to a rally on the Capitol steps outside. Those attendees carried signs they made at home that read with slogans like “Ban the Box,” and, “There is no health care without housing,” etc.
Other attendees went into the Capitol and Legislative Office Building to visit with key elected officials.
I lead a team to visit some elected officials. My group spoke elegantly about all issues, but focused on housing and opposition to forced treatment. My group of attendees blew me away with how well they spoke. They were some of the most impressive advocates I’ve ever had the pleasure to help coordinate.
Now I am getting ready for the NYC Mental Health Film Festival. We are meeting as a group and screening films to see if the films are worth showing at our film fest.
If you want to join us, contact me, Carla Rabinowitz, crabinowitz@communityaccess.org or 212-780-1400 x7726.

Ward Stories

Ward Stories

Organized by Dan Frey, Editor in Chief

Four poets are featured in this Summer 2017 edition of Ward Stories: Ayesha, J. Alfreda, Craig Bayer, and Cecil Williams. Themes of love and renewal abound in these selections that I felt were fitting for the spring and summer seasons. Enjoy!

The Truth a Poem

By Ayesha

I used to feel broken inside.

I believed I’d never heal or get better.

I believed I’d be broken forever.

You see I’m better but that does not mean I am “cured” of schizophrenia.

It means I’m on the potter’s wheel.

All human beings have flaws and shortcomings but some see themselves as masterpieces even royalty.

I’m working “on me” in therapy and by registering to take WRAP again but mental illness unfortunately has no cure and is lifelong.

Any psychiatrist or psychologist would say ‘tis true.

So I am going to keep moving forward and just keep working “on me”.

I’m not perfect, I know that, but I love the person I am and was created to be.

Almighty God created me and when he was finished he said “that was good.”

I’m not average. I’m extra-ordinary. I’m eccentric. I’m crazysexycool.

I have become a person that other people acknowledge and seem to like.

That’s good enough for Me.

I wouldn’t want to be super-skinny or want to become another woman who is beautiful by societal standards.

I just want to be myself.

I have three motorcycle jackets that I wear with my motorcycle hat sometimes and I feel powerful whenever I wear it.

I feel like I am a biker chick even if I am a Sunday School Teacher and a volunteer leading a peer support group.

I love my life and I wouldn’t want to trade places with anyone else who either is more “successful,” more “beautiful,” or whatever.

I see myself as having a good life and I love my SZ life even though it’s not perfect, it’s my life and I am proud of my accomplishments. I’ve come a long way.

I am making a Comeback in my 30s. My 20s were hard and my adolescent years were difficult for me. My 30s so far are amazing! I’ll be 36 years old soon!

Finding Your Way Back to Love

By J. Alfreda

return to forever

is a mind refresh

a quest

becoming one with your Maker

your mind

is Universal property

enhanced it prepares you

for the journey

it will pack your bags

if you let it

the receptacle

is the mind Universal

Love/matter

have you ever seen your brain on Love?

it glows—

like a wave

trying to leave the ocean

you can’t get away from Love

it stalks the soul

and so

it is your essence

you can only be blind to it

like a mother

to her child’s inequities

so a walk to Love

is never a return

but a walk to a mirror

where you like

what you see.

Lovesick
By Craig Bayer
My days have always been painful
But now the pain is intense
I check my emails but you haven’t written
I check my messages-you haven’t called
I visit our hangout, but you aren’t there
Are you avoiding me forever?
Have I struck out again?
I’m not sure, now that I want to see you
Because there may be a negative expression on your lovely face
God, I adore that face
But if you look at me the wrong way, it could crush me
I want to flirt with you
Say or sing that you’re the “Sunshine of My Life”
I want to hold you in my arms
And kiss that face all over
I want to stroke your head
But if you fear or hate me now
All fantasizing and daydreaming becomes terrifyingly meaningless
I’m praying to God
That I haven’t lost you completely
That we can still be friends
That you’ll trust me again
I think I fucked up again, though
I think I may have to move on
And I will move on, if necessary

Pride Parade

By Cecil Williams

My Sunday in June was spent at the blown-in-all-directions Pride Parade

And there was a huge atmosphere of excitement that still does not fade

It appears that everyone was into a rainbow dream and a feeling of pride

No longer were we shallow or unhappy about life, which we call a ride

The future holds dreams and connections to each other that we won't hide

It is a movement similar to Civil Rights and no voter or anyone can be denied

Thank goodness Orlando did not crush the gusto but there were a lot of regrets

Too bad the Massacre brought such vibes of finality we said with cigarettes

And there we were marching and seeing dancers who caused a stir in their dance

And couples wore smiles and offered the waiting universe this brand of romance

Some cried out in joy that legislation about marriage gave us a new chance

And looking around the crowd, such wealth of caring could be taken in a glance

We are the proud and we are fitting together the voices for the fight of the gifted

God shines in sunshine-rays and some of the tribulation has been lifted

Tomorrow, I promise that I will be involved in a less depressing set of rules

For the millions who cheer remind us that we walk the path of different schools

We are united and will dance like hippies, our feet that move to the beat on the street

And I, for one, am enchanted and enraptured what Pride Day brought we could meet

Writing about a future goal will uphold the magic of the body, mind, and soul

And let's be hallelujah-grateful that such a lesbian tale can be told