Ward Stories

Ward Stories

Organized by Dan Frey, Editor in Chief

Four poets are featured in this Summer 2017 edition of Ward Stories: Ayesha, J. Alfreda, Craig Bayer, and Cecil Williams. Themes of love and renewal abound in these selections that I felt were fitting for the spring and summer seasons. Enjoy!

The Truth a Poem

By Ayesha

I used to feel broken inside.

I believed I’d never heal or get better.

I believed I’d be broken forever.

You see I’m better but that does not mean I am “cured” of schizophrenia.

It means I’m on the potter’s wheel.

All human beings have flaws and shortcomings but some see themselves as masterpieces even royalty.

I’m working “on me” in therapy and by registering to take WRAP again but mental illness unfortunately has no cure and is lifelong.

Any psychiatrist or psychologist would say ‘tis true.

So I am going to keep moving forward and just keep working “on me”.

I’m not perfect, I know that, but I love the person I am and was created to be.

Almighty God created me and when he was finished he said “that was good.”

I’m not average. I’m extra-ordinary. I’m eccentric. I’m crazysexycool.

I have become a person that other people acknowledge and seem to like.

That’s good enough for Me.

I wouldn’t want to be super-skinny or want to become another woman who is beautiful by societal standards.

I just want to be myself.

I have three motorcycle jackets that I wear with my motorcycle hat sometimes and I feel powerful whenever I wear it.

I feel like I am a biker chick even if I am a Sunday School Teacher and a volunteer leading a peer support group.

I love my life and I wouldn’t want to trade places with anyone else who either is more “successful,” more “beautiful,” or whatever.

I see myself as having a good life and I love my SZ life even though it’s not perfect, it’s my life and I am proud of my accomplishments. I’ve come a long way.

I am making a Comeback in my 30s. My 20s were hard and my adolescent years were difficult for me. My 30s so far are amazing! I’ll be 36 years old soon!

Finding Your Way Back to Love

By J. Alfreda

return to forever

is a mind refresh

a quest

becoming one with your Maker

your mind

is Universal property

enhanced it prepares you

for the journey

it will pack your bags

if you let it

the receptacle

is the mind Universal

Love/matter

have you ever seen your brain on Love?

it glows—

like a wave

trying to leave the ocean

you can’t get away from Love

it stalks the soul

and so

it is your essence

you can only be blind to it

like a mother

to her child’s inequities

so a walk to Love

is never a return

but a walk to a mirror

where you like

what you see.

Lovesick
By Craig Bayer
My days have always been painful
But now the pain is intense
I check my emails but you haven’t written
I check my messages-you haven’t called
I visit our hangout, but you aren’t there
Are you avoiding me forever?
Have I struck out again?
I’m not sure, now that I want to see you
Because there may be a negative expression on your lovely face
God, I adore that face
But if you look at me the wrong way, it could crush me
I want to flirt with you
Say or sing that you’re the “Sunshine of My Life”
I want to hold you in my arms
And kiss that face all over
I want to stroke your head
But if you fear or hate me now
All fantasizing and daydreaming becomes terrifyingly meaningless
I’m praying to God
That I haven’t lost you completely
That we can still be friends
That you’ll trust me again
I think I fucked up again, though
I think I may have to move on
And I will move on, if necessary

Pride Parade

By Cecil Williams

My Sunday in June was spent at the blown-in-all-directions Pride Parade

And there was a huge atmosphere of excitement that still does not fade

It appears that everyone was into a rainbow dream and a feeling of pride

No longer were we shallow or unhappy about life, which we call a ride

The future holds dreams and connections to each other that we won't hide

It is a movement similar to Civil Rights and no voter or anyone can be denied

Thank goodness Orlando did not crush the gusto but there were a lot of regrets

Too bad the Massacre brought such vibes of finality we said with cigarettes

And there we were marching and seeing dancers who caused a stir in their dance

And couples wore smiles and offered the waiting universe this brand of romance

Some cried out in joy that legislation about marriage gave us a new chance

And looking around the crowd, such wealth of caring could be taken in a glance

We are the proud and we are fitting together the voices for the fight of the gifted

God shines in sunshine-rays and some of the tribulation has been lifted

Tomorrow, I promise that I will be involved in a less depressing set of rules

For the millions who cheer remind us that we walk the path of different schools

We are united and will dance like hippies, our feet that move to the beat on the street

And I, for one, am enchanted and enraptured what Pride Day brought we could meet

Writing about a future goal will uphold the magic of the body, mind, and soul

And let's be hallelujah-grateful that such a lesbian tale can be told